Two things, y'all:

(1) I graduated from college! The following photo perfectly sums up my feelings about the matter 
and Jared's feelings about the matter:
Jared's all like, "Yeah baby, my wife's gon' start cooking me dinners again."
And I'm all like, "Oh stank, the next step in life is to have babies. Lots and lots of babies. Babies everywhere."

(2) Jared and I took a celebratory trip to Las Vegas because Jared was convinced that it was a thing I should experience at some point, and also because our luxury hotel room cost $25. The following photo perfectly sums up both of our feelings about the matter:

We are ecstatic to be here, where the weather is warmer and the yogurt is frozener. And don't you worry, we've been sticking to family-friendly activities like lounging by the pool and stuffing our faces at the all-you-can-eat-Vegas-style buffet. GUYS. SO MANY CRAB LEGS UP IN THIS PIECE. We skipped the cheap filling breads and loaded up on seafood and cow.

If you are going to Vegas anytime soon, we would recommend the Aria buffet during lunchtime. It was about $20-25 a person, but I'm convinced that we each ate twice that amount in crab legs alone. Nearly three dozen crab legs, people. THREE DOZEN. Between us, of course. (I'd recommend pacing yourself somewhat more than we did though, considering that we nearly lost those legs and felt extremely sea-sick during the twenty minutes following the meal.) Also, we basically skipped the next two meals so we convinced ourselves that the fancy buffet was like a fantastic way to save money.

You all keep staying happy, and we'll keep getting tanner. Oh, Vegas. Thank you for being a perfect 80 degrees.

Three Dozen Legs

I had so much fun running my last marathon that I was sure this would be a great idea. I registered us in February for the Bear Lake Marathon.

Nevermind that I haven't been running regularly since we got married 9 months ago . . .

Also, Jared threw out his back two weeks ago and has only just started walking again.

So . . . I'll let you know how that goes for us! If you want motivation to get in shape, sign up irrationally for a race. Apparently fear is the greatest motivator, because the only thing that got me out jogging this morning was the realization that if I die at mile 18 this June, then all my sleep lost over school these past four years will have been for nothing. Also if I die during the race I won't get any chocolate milk at the finish line, and that's just depressing.
Well, Oops

Jared and I have waged an unspoken war since we got married.

I usually set the background on our desktop computer to something beautiful like one of our wedding photos or the coast of Italy. (I'm employing subconscious-level brainwashing techniques so that one day a couple decades down the road he’ll  wake up with an insatiable urge to drug me in my sleep [is that even a thing?] and take me to Verona.)

These nice pictures usually last 2-3 days before Jared notices and changes the background to a picture of his choosing. Usually these are pictures of things like my back pockets or my lips, which can make things awkward when we have company over. Also, I have no idea where he even gets these pictures half the time.

DSCN0391 DSC03107

So, I’m retaliating. We’ll probably be having some neighbors over in the coming weeks, and I’m not going to let him off easy. Should I go with the picture of sweepy widdle Jawed snuggling up to an adorable stuffed octopus, or a picture of punk teenage Jared that I found on Facebook? Choices, choices . . .

jawed 15367_1285744148464_4454942_n

The Background Battle

Happy last day ever of school to you! Well, to me. Not to make you feel sad or anything. In fact, I want to take a moment away from writing my last big fat fatty college paper ever (which just so happens to be my first to-be-published paper ever) to offer tips to all you good people who still have plenty of schooling left ahead of you.

Situation 1: You have a big fat nasty 10-page essay due tomorrow at midnight and you fear that your brain might a'splode before you'll be able to pound out page 4.

What would Laura Do? Cheat the system! You think you can only make it to page 4 of 10? Well alrighty then--let's make this paper a 3-pager. That's right. The first thing I do nowadays when I begin a lengthy paper is brainwash myself. After I write my first paragraph, I change the text settings to font size 9. Then I reduce the spacing between lines from 2.0 to a solid 1.0. Finally, I reduce the margins to .5" x .5 " By the time I finish my third page, if I change my settings back to a double-spaced, 1" x 1" margined paper with 11-point font, I'll be at ten pages easy (results may vary based on font). Sure I'm writing the same amount in the end, but it seems so much more manageable. Also, I might have some psychological issues . . .

Situation 2: You have a test tomorrow on a book you have never read (probably because you had allocated your time to other more important projects, but maybe because you accidentally played the game of 2048 for seven days straight). 

What would Laura Do? This real life happened to me in a political science class two weeks ago, and I real life got a higher score on that test than I received on any of my prior poli sci tests. First, take notes in class on what the teacher deems to be major themes of the book, and make sure to go to any TA test reviews for their thoughts, too. Perhaps your next best tools are online summaries and book reviews. Read a few for their major points, and then skim the summarizing chapter at the end of your book. If it's an academic book, you can bet your bottom dollar there will  be a summarizing chapter. Perhaps actually reading the book will suit you better, but for me at this point in my education, this technique has worked as well as any other.

Situation 3: It is projects week and you have no time to make meals or be sanitary.

What would Laura Do? Find a husband to cook for you (mine cooks Lean Cuisines, so . . . ) and invest in some dry shampoo. If these options aren't available to you, try a 2-lb bag of beef jerky and shaving your hair off. Just make sure to keep your eyebrows. College is weird.

Laura's Tried and True College Tricks


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