you can run and tell that

Life is awesome and great when I'm stuck at home so as not to contaminate everyone, sneaking out of bed and into closets when the house is empty to look for cough drops and my voice. Life is 1.8 times awesomer and greater when I'm on campus rockin' my favorite kicks at dances, staying up way too late playing Swedish Twister, watching boys out-dance Beyonce to "Single Ladies," getting through my online lectures by entertaining myself with the double speed and half speed options for watching Master Nemrow, looking extra zoobie for football games, and making time to revise run-on sentences.

I'm getting the best education here. So far I have learned:

-If you feed them, men will come.
-It is unwise to lose your phone, keys, and student i.d. all at the same time.
-2:00 a.m. is not after curfew; it is only after visiting hours. At this time, it is definitely ok to go outside and play "satan-worship" games as loud as you like with your FHE brethren and your FHE brethren wannabes.
-Crazy asians and skinny white guys make up 66% of the population of hilarious people.
-Root beer candies are not cough drops.
-Chocolate covered cinnamon bears are heaven-sent and probably loaded with illegal drugs.
-There's an unsaid rule that cold cereal is not up for grabs. Everything else is.

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