Confession--I just tried to read through last week's blog post to remember where we left off, and I couldn't make it through because it was so long. I've been WORDY with my posts lately. I'm a written processor and don't keep a journal anymore, so I fear the blog has been getting allll my thoughts and feelings. One of my New Year's resolutions is to work on brevity in the blog posts. This week I'm going to try just pictures with captions:
We must have found our village, because Jared spent the weekend in Washington, and of the 6 meals the kids and I ate while he was out of town, over half of them were cooked by and/or enjoyed with loved ones. And I didn't even preplan that out. Once again, it is wild to me how much of a support system has just, like, casually been here in Utah the whole time while we were white-knuckling our way through raising our kids on our own during most of the past decade (grateful for being able to dip our toes into a support system with Jared's parents living an hour away when we were in Washington, but it is a whole different level having so many loved ones with young kids living within 20 minutes of us now).
"The Village" is an interesting concept to me. I know "the village" of today does not look the same as it did for people raising their children 100 years ago. I know people for whom the concept of a village does not exist in any way, shape, or form; I know that feeling because I spent a lot of time there. For me it was like, ok, I know people love us. I know people would help if we asked. But. We are so far away from those people that it would be an inconvenience for everyone involved, and that usually didn't feel worth it to me.
I think it is absolutely possible to build your own village even if you don't have or if you live far from family, and if we had never been able to move back near family I think we could have built a community around us that I would have felt pretty comfortable calling on frequently. But not like this. I am slow to make friendships that have that depth and closeness, and we've never lived anywhere long enough to get to that point. I knew to an extent that a support system is what I'd be coming back to when we moved to Utah, but the ease of it has surprised me.
Saturday morning, Jared left for his early flight and my brother Chris and his wife Caitlin invited the kids and I to an Ebelskiever breakfast they host at their home around Christmas every year. Their kids are near our kids' ages so we just, like, ate breakfast and chatted and the kids played?? The kids all had their moments but it's so much less hands-on to go to a gathering where there are other kids for my kids to play with. I wish we had invited families with kids to our home more often in past places we lived. It always felt like it had to be a production though to cook and clean all day, and here I am learning that it really doesn't. I am so grateful for our loved ones here who have come before me--my mother, my grandmother, siblings, friends--who are leading by example and showing me that it's supposed to be casual. It's supposed to be, "Come on over! Toys are everywhere because we live here. We have leftover chow mein, you have corn dogs, let's bring them together and call it dinner." That was basically our dinner Saturday evening, and our kids again just ran downstairs and played with cousins. Wild. I might need a refresher on how to be a conversationalist, because those skills have become rusty since I started having kids 6 years ago and I'm realizing I may have the opportunity for longer adult conversations again now that we're here.
Sunday my parents invited us to their Christmas church service. Jared was out of town and my dad was singing in his sacrament meeting (and our church is at 8:30 but theirs is at 10:30) so it was a no brainer. After church my parents invited us to stay for a waffle lunch. I love when my parents serve waffles on Sunday. They set the table fancy and invite family over, and then we have waffles. It's beautiful and special but not overcomplicated. I've definitely been overcomplicating hosting and I'm grateful to practice taking it easier. Last minute on Sunday, my friend Julie invited me and the kids over for a casual dinner. She made a meatloaf and I brought frozen corn and some biscuits from a box. Boom, dinner. My kids play so well with hers, too. The weekend without Jared was busy with casual gatherings, and it flew by so much faster and less lonely than time apart has gone in the past.
In a season that has lots of other stressors--Jack missing his old school and friends and routines, us getting unpacked and set up in an unfamiliar home and neighborhood--I am grateful that we have people in our life with whom we can gather. A village. People who aren't "helping us" by inviting us over anymore than we're "helping them" by coming over. We're just people who want to do life together and to have our kids do life together and it's a beautiful thing. And it is helpful! If you don't have this in your life but ever have the opportunity to try it out, whether near family or by creating it in your own community, let this be your nudge to give it a whirl. Signed, a big-time introvert who loves alone time but is finding such relief and comfort in having a nearby village of loved ones. And now for some pictures!
I can't believe we're so close to Christmas. Jared's new job is starting really slow with the patient load because it's a fairly new clinic, so he has actually had quite a bit of free time when he's at work. He asked me to send him a family picture from our last week together in Washington so he could turn it into a Christmas card. He was so excited to bring home a whole bundle of Christmas cards that evening, and then I noticed that the cards are from "The Johnson Family"😂 I was all for keeping them and sending them out to close family and friends anyway because (a) they'd think it was funny, (b) most of them will end up in people's trash cans anyway after the holidays, and (c) It feels like a good reflection of the chaos of our year to have the wrong name on our holiday card😂 He did end up ordering a new batch but I fully plan on sending the original version to my siblings.
We are continuing to settle into life in or new home, which feels so comforting. We were able to borrow my dad's truck to pick up our washing machine and dryer, and borrow my dad and brother to help get them set up, so we caught up on a lot of laundry this week. On that note (skip the next two paragraphs to bypass a boring asthma update), I read that if dust mites are exacerbating your asthma, you need to wash and dry your sheets on the highest possible heat setting at least once a week. It occurred to me that in the past I've always washed my linen sheets on a "delicate" cycle on low heat, and either dried on a delicate cycle as well or air dried them (linen sheets wear out pretty quickly so this was an attempt to extend their lifespan). And I was only washing them on a monthly basis, not weekly. This week I tried washing/drying all of our bedding on the highest heat setting to see if my nighttime asthma issues would go away, and what do you know, that seemed to do the trick! I'm hopeful that by washing/drying my sheets on high every week I can continue to keep the asthma at bay for the first time in years.
I also had an enlightening asthma experience last week in a furniture store. Jared and I were in a corner with all the fabric samples deciding which one we'd use for a couch we were interested in. As we flipped through the samples, I all of a sudden felt my throat constrict and an intense asthma attack coming on. We immediately ran to the other side of the store to try and find water, and the asthma slowly went away. In hindsight I'm realizing that was likely another dust mite issue because of the dusty fabric samples. I never knew this about myself until this week, but it's nice to know that dust mites seem to be the primary agitator of my asthma. I'm glad we ended up getting a Speed Queen washer and dryer. We debated going with a different brand because Speed Queens REALLY wash things well and can even be a little too tough on delicate items, but in the name of dust mite destruction I think we made the right choice. Lots of weekly bedding laundry in our future.
Speaking of couches (wow, this may be my most boring blog post today. Probably skip to pictures😂) we got two couches on a great Black Friday sale. We didn't go with the custom couch we were looking at with the fabric samples--just two floor model sofas for cheap at Ashley Furniture that were able to be delivered within a couple days. These couches were to replace the sectional we sold with our Washington home. We ended up putting one of the new couches in our great room, and the other one in our music/living room. Riveting stuff.
Hmm, what else...Jared officially started his new job today. He worked from home last week doing lots of training videos, but today he will be seeing his first patients. Very exciting for him. Oh! We went on a date! Without either of our kids! Most of our "dates" for the past 7 years have included one of our kids in tow, and we'd try and keep them distracted with a show on our phone so we could have the illusion of being on a real date together. One time we hired a babysitter in Washington, but the going rate was $20 an hour and that was tough to stomach. Jared's parents would watch the kids when we'd go away for our anniversary trips, but they lived far enough away that we weren't commuting to them on a regular basis. Anyway, my parents watched our kids last week while Jared and I went to a sit-down restaurant for dinner. We couldn't even remember the last time we'd done that. Probably well before Alice was born, honestly. Then we got some chocolates and found an art+antiques shop to wander through. Truly I'm not sure we've had such a date-feeling date since maybe before we had kids. It feels INSANE to have close access to several loved ones who would be happy to babysit now. It also feels insane to know that all of my siblings have had this the entire time they've had kids and have never had to go several years in a row without having a proper date. I'm happy for them and now happy for us. After a big stressful move like this one, me and Jared have never needed a real date more😅
It feels very good to be past the most stressful parts of our move and now in the part where we start settling in and enjoying some peaceful moments in our home with our family. I caught myself feeling panicked a few times this last week about the slow rate with which we've been able to unpack and organize. We still have a long ways to go, and it took me almost a week just to unpack our closet (kids bedtimes are still rocky, so free time is still very limited). I was able to take a step back and remind myself, "Hey! It's not like packing up to move. There isn't a deadline on unpacking. This isn't an emergency." This reminder has helped me a lot. I also like knowing we'll never have to have this home perfectly staged to sell since it's a rental. It takes a lot of pressure off. I'm ready to try a little thing called *relaxing* in the evenings more often in this house. Very excited for this new development. And now for some pictures:
Things were pretty crazy for a minute (month) there. I didn't even realize I missed a blog post last week until I sat down to write this one. Moving is TOUGH. We have moved rather a lot in our marriage. Big moves, every time. Cross-country moves, cross-state moves, international moves. Add in a few kids, with enormous feelings. Take away a husband for a while. I am weary of moving. This must be the feeling people get when they know they are done having children, but with moving. Last time we thought about moving to Utah there was an element of "what if" in my mind. What if there's another adventure for us? What if we get bored living in Utah for the rest of our lives? What if we regret not trying out just one more location together? I am really grateful we ended up moving to Washington and living out that adventure. It was truly wonderful--a gorgeous place to live! And now, the "what if" thought isn't entering my mind anymore. I feel like we're where we are supposed to be. I realize we will have to do at least one more move in the coming years when we buy a home, but I'm hopeful that will feel less chaotic than all these big moves with big moving parts.
Putting that behind us, life is finally starting to feel better than it has for the last month or so. The bumps are less bumpy. Jared made it to Utah. Our moving truck made it a week later. And as a of a few days ago, the moving trucks have been emptied out into our home and we have our beds again! And our clothes and furniture and kitchen supplies. All our things really, except the furniture we sold with our Washington house. For the first time in ages our kids are sleeping through the night without waking up having what appear to be panic attacks. We moved Jack and Alice into the same room because they both get scared at night without having someone in there with them, and so far that has been a GREAT decision. Jared and I get to sleep in the same room in our non-air-mattress of a bed.
The only problem is that ever since our bed arrived I've been having asthma attacks every night again. The silver lining is that I think I've discovered the missing link to my asthma puzzle. I've been having nighttime asthma issues for years now. In our last house it was really bad and I chalked it up to living in a new build where the vents probably were never blown out. Or maybe something to do with the humidity in Washington. Sure enough, when we moved to Utah last month the asthma issues went away almost entirely. No issues in our new home while I was sleeping on an air mattress. The fact that the asthma flared up again when I started sleeping on our own bed is telling me that the asthma is almost definitely being exacerbated by our linen sheets, or by our mattress. I'm going to try swapping out our linen sheets for some bamboo sheets (this is the best kind to use if you have asthma--they keep the dust mites away). If that doesn't work then I'm almost positive the issue is our cheap mattress. Come to think of it, I never really had nighttime asthma issues until we moved to Wyoming, around the time we bought our current mattress. And then it continued to get worse and worse from there. Hmm. Real-time stream-of-consciousness problem solving on the blog today. I will keep you posted on my asthma journey.
Well darn--Alice's nap didn't last long. I hear her waking up already. To summarize a really lovely week into a paragraph, I'll just say we had the loveliest Thanksgiving with family at my parents' home. My brother's family came to visit from Idaho and the kids were in cousin heaven all week long. I got to have Thanksgiving with my grandmother and with aunts, uncles, and cousins who I haven't seen in years. I found a listing for a 15-foot-tall Christmas tree on Facebook marketplace, and when Jared went to check it out at the local liquidation store, he bought it on the spot. At first I wasn't sure about such an enormous tree, but it is bringing a cozy glow to our whole house when we need it most. Long live the 15-foot-tall Christmas tree. I'm off to grab my lil bb girl from her nap, but here's to a great week ahead! May we find the hardware for Jack's bunk bed and our kitchen table in the mess of boxes scattered throughout our house, Amen.
