We must have found our village, because Jared spent the weekend in Washington, and of the 6 meals the kids and I ate while he was out of town, over half of them were cooked by and/or enjoyed with loved ones. And I didn't even preplan that out. Once again, it is wild to me how much of a support system has just, like, casually been here in Utah the whole time while we were white-knuckling our way through raising our kids on our own during most of the past decade (grateful for being able to dip our toes into a support system with Jared's parents living an hour away when we were in Washington, but it is a whole different level having so many loved ones with young kids living within 20 minutes of us now).
"The Village" is an interesting concept to me. I know "the village" of today does not look the same as it did for people raising their children 100 years ago. I know people for whom the concept of a village does not exist in any way, shape, or form; I know that feeling because I spent a lot of time there. For me it was like, ok, I know people love us. I know people would help if we asked. But. We are so far away from those people that it would be an inconvenience for everyone involved, and that usually didn't feel worth it to me.
I think it is absolutely possible to build your own village even if you don't have or if you live far from family, and if we had never been able to move back near family I think we could have built a community around us that I would have felt pretty comfortable calling on frequently. But not like this. I am slow to make friendships that have that depth and closeness, and we've never lived anywhere long enough to get to that point. I knew to an extent that a support system is what I'd be coming back to when we moved to Utah, but the ease of it has surprised me.
Saturday morning, Jared left for his early flight and my brother Chris and his wife Caitlin invited the kids and I to an Ebelskiever breakfast they host at their home around Christmas every year. Their kids are near our kids' ages so we just, like, ate breakfast and chatted and the kids played?? The kids all had their moments but it's so much less hands-on to go to a gathering where there are other kids for my kids to play with. I wish we had invited families with kids to our home more often in past places we lived. It always felt like it had to be a production though to cook and clean all day, and here I am learning that it really doesn't. I am so grateful for our loved ones here who have come before me--my mother, my grandmother, siblings, friends--who are leading by example and showing me that it's supposed to be casual. It's supposed to be, "Come on over! Toys are everywhere because we live here. We have leftover chow mein, you have corn dogs, let's bring them together and call it dinner." That was basically our dinner Saturday evening, and our kids again just ran downstairs and played with cousins. Wild. I might need a refresher on how to be a conversationalist, because those skills have become rusty since I started having kids 6 years ago and I'm realizing I may have the opportunity for longer adult conversations again now that we're here.
Sunday my parents invited us to their Christmas church service. Jared was out of town and my dad was singing in his sacrament meeting (and our church is at 8:30 but theirs is at 10:30) so it was a no brainer. After church my parents invited us to stay for a waffle lunch. I love when my parents serve waffles on Sunday. They set the table fancy and invite family over, and then we have waffles. It's beautiful and special but not overcomplicated. I've definitely been overcomplicating hosting and I'm grateful to practice taking it easier. Last minute on Sunday, my friend Julie invited me and the kids over for a casual dinner. She made a meatloaf and I brought frozen corn and some biscuits from a box. Boom, dinner. My kids play so well with hers, too. The weekend without Jared was busy with casual gatherings, and it flew by so much faster and less lonely than time apart has gone in the past.
In a season that has lots of other stressors--Jack missing his old school and friends and routines, us getting unpacked and set up in an unfamiliar home and neighborhood--I am grateful that we have people in our life with whom we can gather. A village. People who aren't "helping us" by inviting us over anymore than we're "helping them" by coming over. We're just people who want to do life together and to have our kids do life together and it's a beautiful thing. And it is helpful! If you don't have this in your life but ever have the opportunity to try it out, whether near family or by creating it in your own community, let this be your nudge to give it a whirl. Signed, a big-time introvert who loves alone time but is finding such relief and comfort in having a nearby village of loved ones. And now for some pictures!
