It has been a busy, no-breaks Presidents Day and I am exhausted, so we'll do the brief version of blogging today. Jared still has to work on Presidents Day, but the kids were home from school. Thank goodness for living near so much family and so many cousins now--it would have been a miserable day without that support system. We spent the morning playing on the beach of Utah Lake. It was a bit chilly, but with coats it was fine for playing and skipping rocks and collecting seashells. We even found some steel wool and driftwood and lit a fire in a fire ring. Afterward, we brought one of my nephews home with us, and he played with Jack all afternoon in The Pit by our house while Alice took a truncated and then woke up absolutely miserable and livid.
Alice is officially phasing out her nap and went 4 days in a row last week with no naps. My free time is withering away. I do demand a quiet time in place of the nap, but it only lasts half as long. Her short nap today wasn't quite enough to make up for the sleep deficit. I was hoping to be able to accomplish some cleaning and maybe buy Jack's birthday presents on holiday sales this afternoon, but not a chance. Luckily, more siblings/cousins for the children came back for dinner and Alice perked right back up again for another few hours of play time. Bless. This was heaven sent since Jared didn't get home from work until 7:00 p.m. It's a good thing I got used to him being gone for every weekend, holiday, and special event during the entirety of his 7 years of medical training. Working 12 hours when everyone else gets the day off isn't my favorite, but we're still fresh enough out of training for me to know it could be much, much, much worse. I've seen some things, man.
Other than that, it's been an exhausting but gratifying week. Jared and I attended the Thanksgiving Point Valentine's Dinner Dance again, which is a highlight of our whole year. I also convinced my brothers to save me and help get our powder bathroom trim and sink installed before Jared's parents come to stay with us soon. I feel like a burden has lifted from my shoulders now that I don't have to look at our unfinished main level bathroom every day.
Ok, let's get to some pictures:
We have really enjoyed the warmer weather this past week. We have gotten out to parks and even spent a lot of time playing in the dirt pit by our house. Exciting stuff.
Jared got home early one day and was able to come with me to my blood draw. My results came back in and everything from my blood draw looks normal besides slightly low Vitamin D levels. My tilt test results came back in as well and are consistent with POTS. So at this point I wait for my followup appointment with my cardiologist next month and figure out where we go from here. Unfortunately, this unseasonably warm weather has meant unseasonably early seasonal allergies for me, which in turn seems to amplify my POTS symptoms. Something to talk about with my doctor I suppose. But basically . . . I just feel so mentally foggy all the time compared to how I used to feel before we moved back to Utah. I don't know if my spike in symptoms was triggered by the new environment, or by the immense stress surrounding our first move and then rolling into our second move. Either way, I'm hoping to start being able to regain some mental clarity soon. There is a lot on my plate right now and I don't really have the mental wherewithal to keep up with everything I want to, so I end up feeling overwhelmed a majority of the time.
That said, life if good. We had family dinner at my uncle's family to watch the Super Bowl this afternoon. I treasure these big dinners with extended family. Every time I'm able to add a piece of art or some window treatments to our house I feel a little boost, a little more settled. The warm weather is bringing out the best in our home's location too. I love being able to send Jack outside with a friend or cousin and say, "Have fun, just stay within sight of the house," and know that provides an ample range of hills and trees and dirt pits for him to explore. I love where we landed. I don't love our powder bathroom sitting stagnantly, waiting for trim and sink installation and then more painting. HATE. It was supposed to be an easy project, finished the week we moved in. And now it's a headache, but I'll figure it out. And then I'm going back to design jail for a while and banning all home projects...besides, you know, installing the entirety of our yard by this summer. Ugh, I feel tired just typing that out. Who am I kidding, I feel tired alwaysðŸ«
But now, some pictures from our week:
It has been a week of doctor appointments, hospital tests, and a missed/rescheduled appointment for Jack. Oops. Hate all of that for me. Monday started out with a cardiologist appointment to try and get to the bottom of my POTS diagnosis. Unfortunately that appointment was just layer two of what is turning out to be a many-layered medical onion. Let's do a quick POTS recap of what it even is (this is for me too--I can never remember what it stands for):
- Definition: "Postural" (position), "Orthostatic" (upright), "Tachycardia" (fast heart rate), "Syndrome" (group of symptoms).
- Mechanism: The autonomic nervous system does not properly regulate blood flow, causing blood to pool in the lower body and the heart to race to compensate.
- Symptoms: In addition to dizziness and tachycardia, patients may experience brain fog, fatigue, palpitations, nausea, and trembling.
- Management: While there is no cure, it is managed through increased fluid and salt intake, compression garments, exercise, and sometimes medication.
My cardiologist recommended a lofty hydration goal, a lofty sodium/electrolytes goal, and introducing creatine and co-q10 to my daily regimen. He also wanted me to take an official, expensive, hospital-grade tilt test to be ultra sure POTS is the main culprit of my intense brain fog/fatigue/dizziness over the last year (really it's been on-and-off over the last two decades, but at a crippling level this last year). Then I'll need to get a bunch of bloodwork to rule out anything else. I know both these things are important in getting a precise diagnosis, but I hate them. I'm grateful (also grumbling) that they were able to squeeze me in for the tilt test this week while Alice was at preschool, so there was no need to figure out babysitting.
A tilt test is where they admit you to a hospital, strap you to a table, stick a bunch of probes on you to measure heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen, then tilt you upright to see if you pass out. If you don't have an autonomic nervous system disorder, you will probably just stand there bored for half an hour. Maybe a slight bump in heart rate at first, but then basically just boredom until they lower you back down. If you do have an autonomic nervous condition...pretty much it's a "let's see how fast you can pass out" situation. I think I lasted 3 minutes. It was very bad. I DID NOT LIKE IT. I was pretty nervous in the days leading up to the appointment, because there's something that feels sinister about passing out while strapped upright to a table. I don't know, seems like a torture thing. I wish Jared would have been able to come to this one.
The real test went, unfortunately, worse than I had been imagining. I had to admit myself to the hospital, they told me I couldn't eat anything for the 8 hours leading up to the test (that felt like overkill--I would have passed out just fine without the fasting), and then during the test they're like, "You can/should talk to us and tell us how terrible you're feeling, but we aren't allowed to respond or say anything to you. Ok have fun, don't pass out, actually do!!!" Then they tilted me up slowly. Again, nothing crazy. Anyone without POTS would be bored. Within a minute I was lightheaded and could feel my heart racing. By the second minute my hands were cold and my vision going blotchy. By the third minute I was like, "My arms are numb. Everything's going dark. I can't do it, I can't do it, can we stop??!" Hyperventilating, fidgeting in my straps to try not to pass out, and then I don't know if I fully passed out, but I also don't really remember the next few seconds. They lowered me down and stopped the test, which they said they would only do if I passed out, so I guess it counted.
After being lowered down, I was shaky, freezing, and my arms remained numb for probably 5 minutes. It took me back to my hospital stays after giving birth. I was fully bedridden during the entirety of those stays and could not stand up at any point without passing out. I had to be wheeled out of the hospital with my babies 2 days after giving birth, each time, to not pass out. It makes me so sad for past Laura to know now that there could have been help for me. At the time I just assumed not being able to stand up without passing out was a typical postpartum experience. You really don't know what you don't know.
After my tilt test, eventually they helped me ease off the table and get out of there, and then I went and cried in the car for a while before driving home. For lack of a better word, it was just a really physically and emotionally cold experience. At home I cranked our thermostat up to 78 and it took me hours to warm up. I felt dizzy for the rest of the day and pretty much laid down and watched a bunch of movies, which is strange for me.
My biggest fear is that I didn't last long enough for them to record the numbers needed for an official diagnosis. I don't think I could go back and do another tilt test again. For my stand tests in the past, my heart rate was observed over the course of 10 minutes after going from laying to standing. I did have to hurry and lay down to avoid passing out halfway into one of those. Without lasting a full 10 minutes, there may not be enough data for them to look at. They are looking for a heart rate spike of 30+ bpm over 10 minutes when going from laying to standing, with blood pressure remaining pretty stable. I have another appointment with my cardiologist for next month after I get my bloodwork done. We'll see what he has to say then I guess. In the meantime, lots going on to keep me distracted! Let's leave my medical saga behind and get to some pictures:
^^Alice wore one of Jack's old white button-ups on Sunday and looked like a fashion girl.
