Dead Fish

Step 1 complete: The kids and I are in Utah. I'm not sure I would say we "survived" the move to Utah, but we are definitely in Utah and the survival part is TBD. If last week we were salmon swimming upstream against the packing current, this week we have made it to our birth grounds and then proceeded to fall quite ill and abandon all energy/willpower. We now appear to be fish on the brinks of death, being carried back downstream. There's a glimmer of life left that will hopefully reignite sometime soon, but as of now, TBD.

The drive went pretty well. Some screaming and crying took place, but less than our last few Utah drives. I'm grateful that Alice can be entertained by shows and movies a little better now than when she was younger. This time I split the drive up and we stayed a night with my brother's family near Boise. The kids got to play with their cousins while I got to talk to Jordan and Amanda. Unfortunately the kids refused to fall asleep and things were pretty turbulent in the guest room until I threw the kids over my shoulder at 1:30 a.m., busted out to our car for my emergency stash of melatonin, and they finally gave in to the sleep around 2:30 a.m. The next day we played for a while and then drove to my parents' home in the afternoon/evening. I'm glad we got there when we did because Alice and I almost immediately came down with the worst colds of our life. I have never experienced sinus pressure like this. My head feels like it's going to actually explode from the pressure.

I'm so grateful my parents have provided us with a soft landing while I work to get our rental house move-in ready (without the assistance of any of our belongings, as our moving truck won't arrive for another 3+ weeks). This is the first time in over a decade when I've had the experience of staying with my parents and feeling zero desire to go see our favorite sights, eat our favorite Utah foods, do my favorite hikes. It's nice to know, "Hey, we're here for the long haul. It's ok to lie low and succumb to the sickness."

The dry climate has been rough to get used to (stuffy nose, cracked heels and lips and somehow ears), especially in combination with being sick. But it's an acceptable tradeoff to live close to family and all the other Utah things we've been looking forward to. It was magic to go trick-or-treating with my kids, alongside my siblings and their kids. Halloween was so fun and sweet, and it felt like I was in a nostalgic 90s movie of my own childhood. In that moment the sleepless nights felt worth it. 

But alas, the sleepless nights continue. We are still very much right smack dab in the middle of a big move, and the kids are feeling uneasy, unsettled, unable to to fall asleep unless I'm laying right next to them. Because we moved a week before daylight savings, I decided to keep them on Washington time so it would be a more seamless transition. The downside was that last week, by the time I got the kids fully settled to sleep at night and was like, "Ok great, finally have time to text my landlord." "I can finally take a shower." "Let's register Jack for school." I'd realize it was 10:30 p.m. and Alice would likely be up multiple times in the night crying for me. 

Jared has assured me that when he gets here in 3 weeks he is going to take over night duty and I should go catch a break. But, like, that's 3 weeks away and there are times when I genuinely question if my body will survive that long. There have been moments when I've questioned, in absolute seriousness, if I might actually die from stress and exhaustion. The kids are impossibly grumpy. And yet we persevere! I know I need to work on asking for and accepting help. There are loved ones here ready and willing to help if I can let go of the pride and, frankly, the habit of shouldering a much heavier load than I can carry on my own.

Oof, that was a big venting journal of a post. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Moving is hard. But also wonderful. And the logistical stress won't last forever! And now for some pics:

^^Playing in my brother's neighborhood. They live in the most magical, quiet little pocket of a place just outside Boise. They're a short walk from the cutest creek and this pretty little park.

^^Road tripping with a large piece of cardboard to prop between the kids whenever they would start trying to grab at each other just to stir things up.

^^Alice snuggling up with grandma and grandpa, before she realized that I was present and started shouting, "Come Mommy come Mommy come Mommy!"

^^Darth Ducky. Cousin Halloween Magic at Uncle Tim and Aunt "Babby" (Abby's) house. 

^^Alice loved trick-or-treating. She was a little slower than the bigger cousins but not by much. She fell behind at the end and missed that last house. Jack told me I should take Alice to the last house because they were giving out toy skateboards and a whole handful of candy. I told him he could take her by himself if he held her hand going across the street while I watched. So he took her trick-or-treating to a house by himself, walking her patiently up and down the front steps. It was adorable.

^^Our first time in the rental house. The kids ran excited circles around every room, so pumped. It's a beautiful home with a breathtaking view of the valley. I'm excited to move in fully when all our furniture arrives and Jared gets here. For now we'll keep taking loads of more supplies over and dipping our toes into the new house until we feel ready to spend a night. Could be a couple more days. Could go great. Might not. Might come crawling back to Grandma and Grandpa's. As seems to be the theme of this post, TBD!

^^Fake news. They were all up and annoyed in each other's business on this walk.

^^Little Miss Halloween. Jack hated Halloween when he was a toddler. Frankly, he still doesn't care for it much. Trick-or-treating is a yes for him, but costumes and creepy decorations are a hard no. Alice is the opposite. She insists on drives to look for skeletons and ghosts every day. She loves dressing up. She loves getting candy at houses and being spooky. She was so enthralled with a house that had an entire graveyard out front and "singing pumpkins" that she insisted on watching the pumpkins sing through several songs. I'm excited to see her joy at the Christmas decorations that will start going up next. And I'm excited to be settled into our new rental home for our first family Christmas in Utah.