Majors: a minor detail.

Who even needs a major? As far as I'm concerned we may as well all ditch our shoes and literacy rates and recede back to a hunter-gatherer nomadic lifestyle, for simplicity's sake. However, in this world of fools desiring plumbing, microwaves, and other nonsensical non-necessities, the need to follow one's dreams and earn a degree where they can make a difference may have reputable backing. Unfortunately, there isn't a joint Satirical Blogging and Floral Design degree offered at my university (and they call themselves an institute of higher learning).

Let's disregard that classes began five days ago and suppose for a moment that I'm not ready for school to start. Dropping eights credits in one go may not be the best way to begin this bout of learning (oops), so pegging down a major is beginning to feel as urgent as the need to wash my hair. (A quick thank you to a wise woman for her baby powder in the roots secret. Now bathing more than once a week is optional. Again, I'll take the way of the nomads. [Fiiiiiiiiiine, I bathe often. This parenthetical is so wannabe.])

Photo Recycling Alert

The point: This post is a vehicle to force myself to vomit the nitty-gritty onto the blank and white. I don't know about you readers, but this blog does indeed have a laxative affect on me.

Pros: Low amount of program credit hours means high amounts of pointless credit hours a la marriage prep, badminton, and organ lessons. Calculus? Soul-mate. Through high school I loved nothing more than coming home at night to my beautiful calculus.
Cons: There's no calculus major. When math clicks my heart pounds, but it's not as though I go home and think about proofs in the shower. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if one day the rest of those math majors come up with a way to mathematically rob me of my IQ. Those children. They are brilliant. It frightens me.

Pros: I just spared you a "prose" joke. That is indeed a pro. Other than that, there are no pros. I don't need an English degree to write. Case in point: I'm going to hit the publish button on this in 5 minutes and no one will be there to stop me from going global.
Cons: Papers mean Writers' Block, which is only remedied by deadlines, which means burning the candle until 4:00 in the morning before inspiration

Pros: Studying Asians.
Cons: There are none. Problem solved.

Pros: It is as though I go home and think about food in the shower. Plus my nutrition book smells nice.
Cons: That was a lie. I don't actually have my nutrition book yet, and it probably smells funny.

Pros: Lots of time spent surrounded by sensitive and caring young ladies.
Cons: Obviously I'm running out of wit by now, not that I need to muster any for this one. Poor family life. Such a bad wrap for no good reason.

Now let's supposed that it is 2 in the afternoon, I have skipped both of my math classes, and I am still in my pajamas. Please, don't be absurd. What a far-fetched supposition.


  1. I bought an International Edition of my math textbook this semester, and it smells like fish. Therefore, I am not majoring in math.

  2. This makes me wish i didn't know what my major was. You should submit this to that office of first-year experience that keeps emailing me and have them make a pamphlet for freshman who are undeclared majors. mos def.



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