Women Choose Dates: facially haired

Girls' Choice Date #2 of 3

The askingness: It's hard to top myself when I set a pretty high Bread-Intruding standard, but I did my best when I found out 5 minutes before the fact that my roommate and I were to ask boys out at ward prayer and I wouldn't even be there. Some ridiculous lyrics and a quick phone-call later, the following happened:

[This is where I would post the video, except I forgot that it's been deleted forever!!!!! Sorry guys.]

A friend with a crazy accurate Jeffrey impression sang/chanted the lyrics while I beat-boxed over speaker-phone. It has come to my attention that several of you readers are Julian illiterate. As such, you'll want to watch this before trying to imagine how these lyrics make any sense, which they don't. Anyway. 

Josh Laura. Josh + Laura. Josh-Laura. Joshlaura.

Take some Laura. Take some Josh. Look at that couple. Real posh.

Just make sure, you don’t eat, a real Josh-Laura. CUZ THAT’S A LIE!!!

Josh-Laura (ETC)

This world is full of college kids. Big, slow, and ugly, they go on dates.

If I ask you out normal, I might sound normal, but then you might think I have a normal date planned for you. BUT THAT’S A LIE!!!

Josh-Laura (ETC)

Take some Laura. Take some Josh. Don’t forget your mouthwash.

Josh-Laura. Josh-Laura. Josh Laura (they’re subtle but they make a smashing couple). Josh Laura (continue, fade out).

 There was much whooping, snorting, gasping, blushing (In my defense, do you know how many words rhyme with Josh? Like 3.), and accepting. Mission accomplished. Then we did this on our date:

Good for becoming real comfortable real fast, but turns out this is a really gross idea. Also turns out I would gladly do it again.

We played "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader," pudding facial hair style. Miss a question, and your date gets to paint on a soul patch. Miss another question, you get a Hitler-'stache, pedi-'stache, sideburns, and so on. Obviously, none of us are very smart.

This resulted in an extremely tentative hug at the date's close. For one thing, beware of pudding smears on clothing. For another thing, we both had beards.

...and then the entire next-door-neighbors' apartment of my date all came out to watch, including the EQP, the running buddy, and some other gents. That made for a wonderful giggle uncomfortably, hug, and run situation. One such example of how my life makes all involved feel weird. And then I found pudding in my ear three days later.

Girls' Choice Date #3 of 3

The Askingness: Our apartment is all date-asking-outness...outed by this point in the year. A couple of super cheese food-related puns later (pun intended--dang, that was intense), and all the roommates succeeded in invites any high school girl in Utah beam with pride over. Mine was less typical and more Lauracal:

Samwise, I have a joke for you: Why did the girl fall out of the swingset? It's because she had no arms or legs. {uncomfortable silence} I know this joke is CORNy (more like morbid), but will you go on a date with me?

For reasons I don't really understand, I think the morbidocity (I swear I'm done making up words now) was appreciated by the majority, and he graciously complied. 

Date: Disco Skating. I never got any of the legit pictures of our complete outfits at the rink, but these work.

Sam is famous. That's a fact. Ask anyone.

Disco Skating + Hysterical Celebrity Date = Double Score.

Our dates didn't know where we were taking them. I wish I had one of the group pictures to share, because we looked awesome. After purchasing matching XXL-long t-shirts, we ambushed the guys and gave them 5 minutes to get on their most 80s-licious attire. Again, wish I had the other pictures because mah date won that competition.

One shredded disco-floor later, we inhaled burgers and bought sticky mustaches from vending machines. And looked really cool.

And then I dropped him off and realized that my knack for donning facial hair whilst hugging guys is a little creep-hahhhhhh. I should probably cut that out.
(Did anyone catch that reference and agree that those green ties and pencil mustaches are shamefully irresistable?)