1. Wake up early. For breakfast, partake of the potato cake you swore you'd never think about again. If it'll make you feel better about yourself, eat it with canned peaches mixed in. Preferably the ones you stole from your house last weekend. Mmmmm. This is, after all, your last week living away from home with all this nasty food in abundance.
2. Look at your homework, sigh, and then turn to your closet and instead spend 20 minutes putting together an unreasonably cool outfit that no one will see you in.
Caption: This is Sarah. And also my legs.
3. Lounge on your bed against your four fluffed pillows, fully clothed, with your study materials. Read two pages, and then set your alarm in anticipation of the falling asleepage you know is bound to happen within the next five minutes.
4. Wake up two hours later, look at your textbook, scoff, and go over to the guys' building to say goodbye to some crazy goons you will "definitely see again in two years"(we all lie to ourselves). Take all their leftover food they don't want to pack, especially the protein powder so you can be all muscley like them, and put their frozen cinnamon rolls in the oven because you don't want to leave. Annoy them with the announcement that it is time to take two-dozen pictures together.
5. When said boys finally go back into their room to finish packing, stand outside staring at their bedroom door. When they come out five minutes later and see that you are still there, they may feign confusion or annoyance, but they are secretly pleased. Make them give you one last goodbye. Go back where you came from and don't succumb to pansydom.
I hope to look like this stud in two years, after I have consumed all his protein powder.
6. Sit down at the kitchen table to study. Scroll through your iTunes playlist. Stare at the screen for a while. Receive a call from some guy reminding you of your date in an hour. Oops.
7. Fast forward. Invitation to go on a trail run with Bishop? Heck ya! Fresh air will help you clear your brain for maximum study-retention capacity when you return. Since that's going to happen.
8. Run one mile. Feel the eggs Benedict, which you partook of not half an hour ago at your lunch date, fester in your stomach. Think of the gooey yolk. Imagine the yellow, gloopy sauce melted over the top and soaked into the bread. Try to smell the over-fried ham wafting a bacon-like stench towards you. Allow the guys to go ahead while you chill with the females in the back, per usual. Enjoy the next 6 miles. The uppity-downity course of the trail will prove difficult, but the view of the valley below and mountains above will be lovely.
9. Look incredulously at your apartment-mate when, upon your return, she describes you using scandy terms she has made up. Act shocked and appalled, and then go play some spider solitaire.
10. Go take some final pictures with your dysfunctional FHE family. Don't think it weird when your RM older brother displays Oedipus Complex -esque actions toward your emo mother or when all the males in the family fondle their outfit-matching otter-pops relentlessly in 90% of the shots.
11. Hear the whimpering exuding from your math textbook in the corner of your room. Ignore it. Turn your back with finality and stroll on down to your Creamery/local grocery store, where you will look longingly at the chocolate soy milk and buy bacon, animal crackers, and pineapple sherbet, for no other reason than that you can. On the way back, notice that your date from earlier today is on another date with another girl. (This may require looking into windows. This is ok.) Laugh, because this would only happen at your university.
12. Animal crackers and frozen raspberries for dinner? Check. Now go have a YouTube projector party with those 3rd-floor boys you love so much. Cast all thoughts of finals from your mind. It is the relationships that matter.
13. Blog. Marvel at all you accomplished today, and at the fact that post-run, you wore the exact same stinky outfit you wore yesterday and nobody called you out. College really isn't so bad.
Oh, and this also happened today:
(Disclaimer: This guy's been trying to win this girl over all year with his chest dance. Hence, this is a momentous occasion.)
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