When you only know how to play two songs on the guitar, they probably shouldn't be Blackbird and Classical Gas. But they are. I don't know how this happened, but I feel good about it.
Some classy guy I wasn't even dating broke up with me. Uhh . . . ?
Real friends build their weeks around woman dates to J Dawgs.
I like to keep my dog PG-13: everything but jalapenos. No weeping on woman dates.
I saw a dead guy today. He didn't look half bad besides, well, you know.
Flower delivery to funeral homes is frighteningly fun.
Mint fingernails. Traffic cone toenails. Let's be honest: I'd break up with that too.
Ordered a new phone. It's a smart one. The color is gold, because I'm a high-roller. Maybe this will keep me from chipping off all the paint and spinning it like a top and leaving it in the fridge. Or maybe paint-chippage will increase for the benefit of blinged-up teeth and I'll leave it in increasingly extreme environments because it'll be smart enough to get itself out.
Here's a picture representing the second time I went speed dating and got funny stories and never wrote about it. This was the beginning of the brigade of ethnic men in my life.
Google Translate could've told me that in like 5 seconds.
When my ritzy smartphone arrives, I'm quitting college.
Good news: I saw a dog today.
Better news: Along with making a dozen corsages this weekend, I will be reading the Book of Mormon in its entirety. Because I can. And because it'll put some things in perspective. And also because I'm insane.