7 dates.
10 days.
4 boys.
If I were to use a word to describe how I feel about this, I would use "obscene."
I need a nap.
plus I'm trying to kill time.
Sometimes my phone does this to me. Actually, this has only happened once before, but today I called my roommates to talk about boys and this is the message that has been glaring at me ever since. Really, it won't go away.
In other news, I have a date tonight. Fifteen minutes ago, in theory. Or maybe forty-five. I honestly can't remember. That's why I'm trying to kill time. Must be a coincidence.
...I need to pee. Ok, stopping that.
Yes, I am writing a post about a water-bottle, of the promotional variety. That's disgusting.
The reason I love it so much is because I drink three times the water because it's so convenient: no awkward sucky noises, no need to tip the bottle up to get the water into your mouth....it's like zero effort--my favorite kind of effort. These are the reasons why water is so good and you should get this water-bottle in order to maximize your intake of said beverage:
1) You get to take substantially increased numbers of pee breaks during work, and work pee breaks are the best. That's probably not appropriate language for children. I'll maybe stop that.
2) Your face will clear right up if you guzzle this stuff. Really, try it. Plus, who doesn't want to guzzle? It just sounds like a good activity.
3) You'll feel like an athlete. Athletes drink water, right? Or you'll feel like a poser, which is less of a benefit but I guess it works if you like it as a reason.
4) It'll fill your tummy up during those in-between meal times when you can't tell if you're hungry or not. You're not. You just need to guzzle a liter of water. Guzzle it.
5) Your mouth will cease to be parched, which is good for other activities as well I guess...
When you hear the fan blast on in the bathroom, and you know the toilet has been vanquished and you are next.
These precautions shouldn't even be necessary, but they totally are.
It's strange that the addition of this segment coincides with Jordan creating a blog of his own. One day I will share it with you. For now, it's just unfortunate that he all of a sudden can read my blog. I don't think this will go over well with him. Oh well. Maybe we should all be more careful about what we say to Laura when we go into her room after midnight feeling a little crazy while she's holding a camera.
"Laura, this wooden claw is not only a back scratcher-- it is a butt scratcher."
{singing} "Ladies, I'm itchin my bum, but you still love meeeee."
I have a new segment for you. It's called "Jordan Says." I imagine it will become a regular appearance around these parts, because the things Jordan says are just really absurd and too thought-provoking to not share.
Look at his legs. Tell me you can resist this humble nerd. You can't do it.
"Apparently all girls like boys who are nerdy and shy and weird, so I'm going to write a love song that is humble."
{singing in a crazy whispered falsetto with his eyes closed} "You're so beautiful, and you are out of my leeeeague."
Look at his legs. Tell me you can resist this humble nerd. You can't do it.
Today I purchased socks. Socks are great. I like the kind that are "ankle cut" but not "no show." Those ones slide into the shoe and are just annoying.
Considering the options, I came dangerously close to buying the Fruit of the Loom variety. They were the exact cut and color I could ever desire from a sock.
However, I stopped short when my outstretched fingers were as near as could be to closing around the cheap package.
"Is this ok?"
I asked myself,
"I feel like I'm cheating on my family name."
Then I put the socks back and went for the far superior brand that really didn't have any of the qualities I was looking for in a sock. Thou shalt never call this Simpleton unfaithful.
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