Me: Jared there's a weird tan moth in the bathroom. Can you come get it?
Jared: Don't hurt him! He's my friend. He is good.
Me: Ok, well it's creepy and watches me while I go to the bathroom, so...
Jared: Be nice to my friend! I talked to him last night and he told me he likes you. Let him stay!
On millipedes (we get lots of millipedes in our apartment, so this type of conversation happens probably every other day)...
Me: Jared, I was just in your study room. Did you know there's a gross black millipede on the floor by your desk?
Jared: Yes! He came two days ago. He is my friend.
Me: Ok...
Jared: I told him he can stay. His name is Moses.
Me: Moses?
Jared: Yeah. The other ones were Charlotte, Grey, Weeder, and Steadman. The next one can be yours to name.
*****
Me: Jared, there's a dead little friend (millipede) under the sink.
Jared: Don't hurt him!
Me: But he's already dead...
Jared: No, he's just resting. Maybe he's hiding under there so you won't hurt him.
Me: Jared, I'm not going to hurt him! We get millipedes all the time and I've never hurt any of them.
Jared: Yes, but you hurt their feelings. They know what you say about them.
On earthworms (I've never seen an earthworm here, but this happened all the time when we lived in Utah)...
Me, walking along the sidewalk after a rainstorm: Ewwwww!
Jared: *picks up each worm one by one and puts them in the grass so they'll be safe*
On cockroaches:
Jared: Die! Die! Die! Evil! Bad! Die!