Chris: Why doesn't anyone buy seeded watermelons anymore? Are they so lazy that they can't spit the seeds out?
Laura: I just swallow them.
Chris: Ya, but then a watermelon's going to grow in your stomach. And then you'll think you're pregnant. But it'll actually just be a watermelon. And then when you go to deliver, you'll deliver a watermelon. And the doctor will be like, "Oh, congratulations! It's a watermelon!"
Mom: [with seriousness] Laura, here's an idea. You should name all your daughters princess names.
Mom: Ok, I'll say it. The only thing that would make this campfire better would be if Jordan were here.
All Children: [simultaneously] No way.
Laura: He's a joy kill.
Tim: He'd just be like, "This is stupid. I want to go in the house and lay on the couch and listen to my music.
Chris: We're happier now that he's gone. Tell him not to come back.
Mom: . . . ok then!
(Don't worry, we're all obsessed with Jordan. We just know he'd be proud of us for responding that way.)
