"Holding hands after midnight is NOT bad."
. . .
"It's like cracking a turkey's neck. You have to just take it, and then crack it. You just do it. Don't think about it."
. . .
"Pretend like you're a tree and her hand is a round, delicious apple."
. . .
"When you're getting ready, whatever you do, don't show her your toe."
"Too late. Not only that, but I got this giant mole removed on my chest and then went swimming with her."
"What?"
. . .
"Jordan, why are you asking so many questions? Is this an interrogation?"
"Yes, this is an interrogation. I've got to get you somewhere."
"Whatever, you've never even had experience."
"Doesn't matter. I'm a man."
