The Mandatory Punday Monday Facet
Incident 1:
Laura walks around some department store and exclaims in frustration, "Every time I look for shorts here I come up short!"
Incident 2:
Sarah explains a punny from a date, "Apples--I used to not like them, but we've had trees of them my whole life. I guess they've...grown on me."
Incident 3:
After Jake pulls a woman's stocking out of his jeans pocket, Dottie and I look at him with worry lines etched across our faces. After he then proceeds to offer us some because he has plenty more in his pocket, Dottie says, "That's ok. I'm all...stocked up."
The Less Mandatory Life-Update Facet
Math Major? Annihilated. My mind is not ready to unmask the mysteries of the universe.
I switched to English Language. They're basically the same thing anyway. What sold me? The explanation that we might as well spell "fish" as "G-H-O-T-I." (gh from "tough," o from "women," ti from "nation") I guess I'll be just like an editor or something.
I'm a rebellious soul.
-I wore my hair in the manner of the bushmen on the first day of school.
-I talked my roommate into going without underwear.
-I eat my J-Dawg with jalapenos.
So obviously, I live on the edge.
For some reason I agreed to a double date deep into the forest, complete with a picnic of raw ribs and some treacherous trespassing.
The guys forgot matches, lighters, and their flint and wool stores.
(and they call themselves Boy Scouts)
Desiring our meat to come out a little less on the rare side . . .
Jumper Cables:
good for starting engines, staving hunger, and sustaining thrown-together dates.
Next time Imma be bringing hairspray, a magnifying glass, and my ant collection.
So much more reasonable.
Camping last weekend looked like this:
 |
| Every part of this picture is amazing. |
The dialogue went like this:
"Lil' Black Stubs. That's my water stripper name. They gave it to me when I shaved my legs for swim team because it grew back in as little black stubs. Want to see my water stripper moves?"
-Jordan. Of course.
And the sleeping conditions were like this:
Why did I ever leave?
"So suppose a girl tells a guy she's going to write him on his mission and then doesn't send him anything for three months. If she then sends him a note with a picture of a really cute puppy, does that make it okay?"
-Dottie
-Dottie
...and blog.
Actually, don't.
That would be frowned upon.
I checked.
Twice.
This is a good picture of my roommate and some boy.
Who even needs a major? As far as I'm concerned we may as well all ditch our shoes and literacy rates and recede back to a hunter-gatherer nomadic lifestyle, for simplicity's sake. However, in this world of fools desiring plumbing, microwaves, and other nonsensical non-necessities, the need to follow one's dreams and earn a degree where they can make a difference may have reputable backing. Unfortunately, there isn't a joint Satirical Blogging and Floral Design degree offered at my university (and they call themselves an institute of higher learning).
Let's disregard that classes began five days ago and suppose for a moment that I'm not ready for school to start. Dropping eights credits in one go may not be the best way to begin this bout of learning (oops), so pegging down a major is beginning to feel as urgent as the need to wash my hair. (A quick thank you to a wise woman for her baby powder in the roots secret. Now bathing more than once a week is optional. Again, I'll take the way of the nomads. [Fiiiiiiiiiine, I bathe often. This parenthetical is so wannabe.])
The point: This post is a vehicle to force myself to vomit the nitty-gritty onto the blank and white. I don't know about you readers, but this blog does indeed have a laxative affect on me.
MATH
Pros: Low amount of program credit hours means high amounts of pointless credit hours a la marriage prep, badminton, and organ lessons. Calculus? Soul-mate. Through high school I loved nothing more than coming home at night to my beautiful calculus.
Cons: There's no calculus major. When math clicks my heart pounds, but it's not as though I go home and think about proofs in the shower. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if one day the rest of those math majors come up with a way to mathematically rob me of my IQ. Those children. They are brilliant. It frightens me.
ENGLISH
Pros: I just spared you a "prose" joke. That is indeed a pro. Other than that, there are no pros. I don't need an English degree to write. Case in point: I'm going to hit the publish button on this in 5 minutes and no one will be there to stop me from going global.
Cons: Papers mean Writers' Block, which is only remedied by deadlines, which means burning the candle until 4:00 in the morning before inspiration finally....inspires....me.
ASIAN STUDIES
Pros: Studying Asians.
Cons: There are none. Problem solved.
DIETETICS
Pros: It is as though I go home and think about food in the shower. Plus my nutrition book smells nice.
Cons: That was a lie. I don't actually have my nutrition book yet, and it probably smells funny.
FAMILY LIFE
Pros: Lots of time spent surrounded by sensitive and caring young ladies.
Cons: Obviously I'm running out of wit by now, not that I need to muster any for this one. Poor family life. Such a bad wrap for no good reason.
Now let's supposed that it is 2 in the afternoon, I have skipped both of my math classes, and I am still in my pajamas. Please, don't be absurd. What a far-fetched supposition.
Let's disregard that classes began five days ago and suppose for a moment that I'm not ready for school to start. Dropping eights credits in one go may not be the best way to begin this bout of learning (oops), so pegging down a major is beginning to feel as urgent as the need to wash my hair. (A quick thank you to a wise woman for her baby powder in the roots secret. Now bathing more than once a week is optional. Again, I'll take the way of the nomads. [Fiiiiiiiiiine, I bathe often. This parenthetical is so wannabe.])
Photo Recycling Alert
The point: This post is a vehicle to force myself to vomit the nitty-gritty onto the blank and white. I don't know about you readers, but this blog does indeed have a laxative affect on me.
MATH
Pros: Low amount of program credit hours means high amounts of pointless credit hours a la marriage prep, badminton, and organ lessons. Calculus? Soul-mate. Through high school I loved nothing more than coming home at night to my beautiful calculus.
Cons: There's no calculus major. When math clicks my heart pounds, but it's not as though I go home and think about proofs in the shower. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if one day the rest of those math majors come up with a way to mathematically rob me of my IQ. Those children. They are brilliant. It frightens me.
ENGLISH
Pros: I just spared you a "prose" joke. That is indeed a pro. Other than that, there are no pros. I don't need an English degree to write. Case in point: I'm going to hit the publish button on this in 5 minutes and no one will be there to stop me from going global.
Cons: Papers mean Writers' Block, which is only remedied by deadlines, which means burning the candle until 4:00 in the morning before inspiration finally....inspires....me.
ASIAN STUDIES
Pros: Studying Asians.
Cons: There are none. Problem solved.
DIETETICS
Pros: It is as though I go home and think about food in the shower. Plus my nutrition book smells nice.
Cons: That was a lie. I don't actually have my nutrition book yet, and it probably smells funny.
FAMILY LIFE
Pros: Lots of time spent surrounded by sensitive and caring young ladies.
Cons: Obviously I'm running out of wit by now, not that I need to muster any for this one. Poor family life. Such a bad wrap for no good reason.
Now let's supposed that it is 2 in the afternoon, I have skipped both of my math classes, and I am still in my pajamas. Please, don't be absurd. What a far-fetched supposition.
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