Go get a massage. If you are one of the brave, the proud, the few, the Simpletons, I swear you will giggle off your rocker. Or maybe your dog. I honestly don't know what we Simpletons are riding these days.
Why a massage? They are expensive and weird.
True and true.
Solution: Wait for a half-off weekend at a place where you can lie in a room with 30 other equally naked bodies, separated by thin curtains. You will probably be welcomed by a "therapist" who is 5 years younger than you, half your size, and wearing braces. Huzzah for the students. Huzzah for cheapskatianess.
Solution: Amidst the eclectic relaxation music, listen for the rotating and reoccurring sound of bums being karate chopped. I dare you not to smile.