"not valentimes!"
"what we gonna get?"
"several boys!"
"how we gonna get 'em?
"mock U.N. medals?"
"wearing unflattering clothing?"
"voodoo? is it voodoo?"
No, unfortunately it is not voodoo this time.
Fortunately, it is wearing unflattering clothing.
In my defense, the 80-year-old lady behind me in line when I purchased this beaut told me she thought it was lovely that girls these days were still wearing such flattering and chic dresses. She was worried that they might have gone out of style. Oh, cute, silly lady. You had no need to fear. I'm glad I could put your mind at peace about the wellbeing of the world today.
Judging by the ginormous flower on my wrist, it is likely that I wore this gown to my senior prom once upon a time.
It is unlikely that I actually arrived like this. Too bad for the rest of the children at the dance, my date was a respectable young lad and I felt the sharp pangs of guilt as I tried to rip myself from the door-frame and into his car without changing into something more socially appropriate. My conscience won out in the end, as it usually does in real life but less often in writing. Blight that party-pooping conscience (the previous sentence is a probable example of incorrect use of the thesaurus when seeking out a cooler word than my brain wants to dig for).
To this day, I regret that I did not get to bust a move in this baby. Sincerely. Regret. Maybe one day a new strapping young lad with more knowledge about my true character and less care for social norms will sweep me off to a formal whilst wearing it. (Not him. Me. Or him, I guess. That would be good too.) Probably he will be mustachio'd. Speaking of mustaches, I have a pending post dedicated to the wearing of them. Keep your eyes peeled. It's a gem.
(As an unnecessary aside, whenever I say "What time is it?" in a scratchy voice and someone proceeds to respond "Summertime!" I get upset. They're supposed to respond "It's Valentimes!" High School Musical is less than and most certainly not equal to Teen Girl Squad. Don't worry-- I recognize this is a personal problem. I'll get over it.)