Laura's Tried and True College Tricks

Happy last day ever of school to you! Well, to me. Not to make you feel sad or anything. In fact, I want to take a moment away from writing my last big fat fatty college paper ever (which just so happens to be my first to-be-published paper ever) to offer tips to all you good people who still have plenty of schooling left ahead of you.

Situation 1: You have a big fat nasty 10-page essay due tomorrow at midnight and you fear that your brain might a'splode before you'll be able to pound out page 4.

What would Laura Do? Cheat the system! You think you can only make it to page 4 of 10? Well alrighty then--let's make this paper a 3-pager. That's right. The first thing I do nowadays when I begin a lengthy paper is brainwash myself. After I write my first paragraph, I change the text settings to font size 9. Then I reduce the spacing between lines from 2.0 to a solid 1.0. Finally, I reduce the margins to .5" x .5 " By the time I finish my third page, if I change my settings back to a double-spaced, 1" x 1" margined paper with 11-point font, I'll be at ten pages easy (results may vary based on font). Sure I'm writing the same amount in the end, but it seems so much more manageable. Also, I might have some psychological issues . . .

Situation 2: You have a test tomorrow on a book you have never read (probably because you had allocated your time to other more important projects, but maybe because you accidentally played the game of 2048 for seven days straight). 

What would Laura Do? This real life happened to me in a political science class two weeks ago, and I real life got a higher score on that test than I received on any of my prior poli sci tests. First, take notes in class on what the teacher deems to be major themes of the book, and make sure to go to any TA test reviews for their thoughts, too. Perhaps your next best tools are online summaries and book reviews. Read a few for their major points, and then skim the summarizing chapter at the end of your book. If it's an academic book, you can bet your bottom dollar there will  be a summarizing chapter. Perhaps actually reading the book will suit you better, but for me at this point in my education, this technique has worked as well as any other.

Situation 3: It is projects week and you have no time to make meals or be sanitary.

What would Laura Do? Find a husband to cook for you (mine cooks Lean Cuisines, so . . . ) and invest in some dry shampoo. If these options aren't available to you, try a 2-lb bag of beef jerky and shaving your hair off. Just make sure to keep your eyebrows. College is weird.