This is How I Run

To run, or not to run?

Running is sooo cliche, meaning my first inclination is not to  run.

But then I remember that I'm obsessed with running, so . . . 

These are my secrets for getting up to jog on those mornings when you'd honestly rather have breakfast with Miley Cyrus than get out of bed and face your demonic running shoes:


1. Have someone to answer to.

At least at first.

Not a roommate. That doesn't work in the beginning. You know that when your alarm goes off, you'll roll over, look at her, grunt, acknowledge her nod of unspoken agreement, and go back to sleep.

Freddy came along in my freshman year of college, and I was suavely guilt-tripped into running each morning, regardless of below-freezing temperatures and ice on the sidewalks, because I knew if I didn't get out of bed to meet him he'd wait for me in the freezing cold for half an hour before giving up and returning to his apartment. It took a full seven months of going faithfully each morning with Freddy and Sarah to become a runner, but now I'm hooked for life.

Mission Farewell: Sarah, Freddy, Me

2. Wear your running clothes to bed.

I don't care if you think it's nasty. You're nasty.

There's no way I'd leave the house at 6 a.m. if I had to change out of my pajamas to do it.
So, I just pretend like my running clothes are my pajamas. Problem solved.
Don't worry guys (/girls?), sports bras are comfy.

3. Run trails.


I don't like when people watch me run.
Probably because I look like a noob when I do so.
My solutions are to run obscenely early and to run obscure trails with nice scenery and overlooks.
Most of my trail "running" is actually walking and enjoying. I might be a nature hippie.

4. Buy new songs.


If I ever want to listen to my jammin new tunes, I know I'd better get my derriere out in the fresh air. And those iTunes gift cards your grandma's been buying you for every holiday since you turned 12? They aren't a-gonna spend themselves.


5. Buy new clothes. 

Honestly, I'm a cheapskate so I opt for the $5 spandex Walmart tee in neon shades.
But you can go to the Nike Outlet if that's what it'll take for you to feel like an athlete.
Because everyone knows it's not about being an athlete; it's about looking like one.

I also quite love spandex pants from Old Navy, or you can get name-brands for cheaper at TJ-Maxx.
Once you go insane like me, you'll ask for running shoes as your big-ticket Christmas item.
I hope this tragedy never happens to you, but it is a fantastic motivation to get out and move when you have bold, pricey, fantastic new running shoes.
(I love Mizunos for long runs and, obviously, Vibrams for everything else.)

You can also buy magic running jelly beans for "energy." Basically, they just taste good.

Think cardiovascular activity is for JERKS and it's just not meant to be?

In high school I seriously threatened to quit marching band multiple times a week because we were forced to run half a mile at the beginning of each practice (nerd status: attained). So, I know how you feel. If this Simpleton can do it though, so can yooooou (read Soulja-Boy style).